Ah xanga, how long it has been. I feel as if i have negelected you and sometimes forget all the classic blogging times we had back in highschool and college. All those poems and song lyrics, those movie reviews and random crap that came to mind. How my life has changed in those short years, from living a whole country distance away from where i used to live and being ya know..older. Just came back from hanging out with a my best friend from CA whome i also have a bit of a crush on, though thats a whole nother story. I was thinking, beyond the whole living someplace else and mostly on my own (ive had some outside help with bills and what not) i am not that different from good ole CT me. I mean i have very different friends, and have been through very different experiences over here. Some for the good, some for the better. But all in all im still that quietly crazy kid *ahem* i mean guy who overthinks things all the time, puts others first too much and is still trying to hold onto the hope that the world is over all a good place, though real life is always trying to prove that hope ill willed. Ive said good bye to people whom i miss every day and said hello to people who have forever changed my life in some way. Im still writing and still want to make movies but also have lost all interest in working in Hollywood. I aim to live in or very near NYC as soon as possible and wonder sometimes what moving to CA has done to two of my best friends from CT, more so one that the other. I found out i can even miss the cold sometimes, but after a couple days of CT cold im ready to miss it all over again.
This year is going to bring some big changes, for the better even if it looks bad at first. I dont really know how but i declared this year such, so it shall be.
I dont know how much i am going to update this thing, or how many people still read it from the pretty good group i had reading it back some years.
And ya know, after all these years...i still want to have a run on Super Market Sweep.

So hey i blog, whats up with that. Ive decided to only blog about the present if i have something actually to blog about, and there isnt really anything to say without discussing matters of borderline depressing nature so i wont do any of that don'cha'know. I did realize one thing about myself to randomly add, i speak so much better when i am writing than when actually speaking, so if one was to ever talk to me after being introduced to me by these random musings i do would come to the hard assurance that i sound like a babbling idiot with cast asunder by my ever present sarcasm.
So my fellow roommate/friend/ one of the few (three maybe?) readers of this granted me the idea of making this little blog a vehicle to travel down memory lane. Though i dont really have any dramatic stories as far as i know, i feel like keeping memories alive beyond my own mind with the convenient tip tap of a keyboard and the soundless casting off into the web world. So as i rode to the bank to lose all my money to rent i meandered down my brain cavity for anything worth mentioning and since i just read of gal troubles in another post why not stroll down the little amount of gal troubles ive had.
It all began at the horrid place of SandS, Stop and Shop for those who dont know. The first day i wandered in to the store to transfer in I noticed a very pretty gal working the cashier and immediately pepped up because at least i would be able to work with a pretty gal in this job i loathe with so much fiber, being as fiber is the nutrient used for loathing which explains why Old people eat so much of it and become cranky in one of the most diabolical schemes produced to keep old people down as no one really bothers to notices the angry ramblings of an old man enough to realize they know the secret to the GOVERNMENT. But beyond that, the gal and i quickly became friends because apparently im just a super cool guy of course. We started hanging out and i quickly noticed she had one of those on and off boyfriends that never really go away so i just accepted it and was happy to actually have a good friend in Danbury (where nothing good occurs...other than this i guess?) and as we hung out i met her best friend a couple times and never really got beyond the hey how ya doin phase of meeting other peoples friends. So time passed and eventually that friend began to also work, or always had been i cannot really remember, at SandS to which i got to know her better as i find any excuse to take my self out of the mind set of still working at that hell hole at the time and she was a cool gal, pretty and such but never really entered my mind as a gal of pursuing, (like i "pursue gals" ha) until one night Mr. Kevin and Ray and I with the two SandS gals and another one of there friends in tow decided to go to some mall in New York. Why? I have no idea what brought the idea, but we went off all in Rays car im pretty sure. Being a small car and being the only person who actually knew everyone in the car i sat cramped in the back with the two gals and the friend who just kinda kept quiet and stared into nowhere. So, being the strange and stupid people we where, decided to cram the two gals and i together as in one was laying on our laps while the other was damn near hugging me, which was as good as it was stupid. The gal that was damn near hugging was the friend and we talked and laughed and enjoyed good things while Kevin and Ray tried to avoid being lost in the front. When we finally got to the mall, kevin decided to be hyper and run around like a crazy person with us trying to catch up. So the friend, who is R now because it is getting arduous to explain who each gal is and for some reason i dont feel like using names and it feels secret agenty to use letters. So R and i hung out a lot while every one ran into shops with the little time we had before the store closed to, missed by me of course and reported by her friend later, she grew some fondness fer me.
So for a while R and i began to talk online and progressed to two hour long phone calls about generally nothing which is a record for me and my previous longest phone call of 10 minutes only because i did not know how to get somewhere and needed directions.
So i was feeling pretty good as this pretty gal and i grew a fondness for each other but never officially started to go out because i am a dumbass and never asked, though i did let her wear my nifty watch for some reason beyond me now.
So in what was probably a last resort by the friend to get R and i Together (as she seemed happy that R liked me) we arranged to all hang out one night, in someone's house where R and I kept finding ourselves alone together, and without going into detail it was good times indeed, (dont think too far into that people) but i chickened out on either kissin her or just asking her out because as i said, i am a dumbass among other negative terms and she was just as shy as me. After that we slowly grew apart and she started goin on with some guy and that was that.
Every now and then i try to instigate conversation because I dont like when people just ghost on me but nothing really progressed beyond the hey whats up? Nothing, ah ok...SILENCE so yea, theres a story about gals and the failure i am with them. Though one thing remains that forever reminds me of this story, she still has my freakin watch which im sure i will never see again and it was a kick ass, and somewhat pricey, watch.

NEXT TIME on my blog:
How two gals with a penchant of making farm animal noises without reason led me to learn AVID!

Its time to do something
I dont know how, dont know when
But something will occur
and being so vague only aids it all
into its eventuality

So last night while at work i got the news that my pet cat of 9 years has passed away due to a stroke. Now im not one to just go into a monologue of oh why did he die woe is me bla bla. Death is a part of life and even though it sucks it is still something that has to happen and i can only hope my family and i granted him a happy life and he will rest in peace.
What i will say here are some of the many memories i had with my crazy cat who goes by the name Bandit.
I got him when i turned 13 from a litter of kittens who had lost their mother and picked him because he seemed the most adventurous, as the other kittens ambled about being all cute Bandit had a habit of venturing forth into the unknown. So I picked him and named him Bandit because his tail reminded me of a raccoon.
He went from really cute little puffball who would fly around to adult puffball who would always be on the attack and running around randomly. It seemed his mode of playing was to track and hunt someone and jump out of nowhere with a surprise attack. I remember one time i had friends over for my birthday and the sound of his bell would strike terror into the night, his glowing eyes a vision of attacks soon to come. I even wrote a story about that night for class in high school. Or how he would leap out of my closet and attack at 1 in the morning as i sat at my computer desk. He was a crazy cat indeed.
So I am not going to ramble on forever, just thought i would type a bit about him and say that he will be missed and i hope all is well in whatever happens after one dies.
Rest in Peace Bandit, I hope we gave you a happy life.

ha.. that last post of a poem was the first poem i wrote in quite some time, how strange how natural it felt to rhyme once again about things normally lacking much rhyme or reason beyond the failing logic of my brain though i keep putting my writing where no one reads it, this will change soon.
But yet again a semi serious subject is pecking at the brain and i feel like saying something about it, in my barely read blog though ha.
With the internet the world has indeed become a smaller place. Where i could have a live video chat with my family across the country or hell i could talk to people in japan if i felt like it and actually knew people over there. Cultures and ideals are mashing together at an alarming rate and sometimes have explosive effects, while other times progresses the world to someplace new a different, maybe even better. But i am not going to rant about how small the world has become but how far we have gone from how we used to be, one way in particular. The internet has given way to everyones feelings and emotions and thoughts at once in one eternity size place and that is a good thing, with a small of bad. With the internet to expel all our thoughts too our fellow man, the people we see everyday, suffer the loss of communication. Sometimes the biggest news is over the internet in hopes all the important people will read it and if they don't well then they are lost in the shuffle and take the news all the worse when they finally do find out. Now i suffer from doing that too i am sad to say, i rarley use my cell other than to call my family or text random things about and use the internet as a tablet for things i should really say out loud, and some i shouldn't say at all. But i aim to change that, one step at a time. I am not a fan of when people sit around in close proximity and dont exchange a simple spoken word, when an IM is used from computers only several feet away instead of using that thing we call a voice box.
I dont know, it just bothers me. When it becomes hard just to call someone because it is just so easy to leave a little message in their my space and not have to suffer through awkward pauses and the consequences of saying something. Well i want those awkward pauses back, i am happy with the holes i dig myself in with the inability to talk coherently most of the time.
The internet is an amazing place but its not the real world, and as much as we succumb to the wonders of it, the real world will always be there. It may not be overflowing with ideas and bright lights like the internet, or web as it is so correctly called being somewhat of a trap as much of a collector, but its there to be experienced and not posted. Its there to be hurt and not mildly inconvenienced, but most of all. the world is there to live and to experience every, to FEEL everything possible with another human and not a computer screens dim light casting a glow of missed chances and lost words that can never convey what spoken words truly can.
Yet again not all internet it bad, but this prospect of it is growing alarmingly immense and even though just my voice will do nothing at least i can try to say something, and not jut type it. The world can read it, but the one person it could be meant for could easily let it pass by.

Now if i can actually commit to action these words i silently say, then i will feel like im actually getting somewhere, even though its just falling back to before the internet ran the world.

a rant of rambling insanity, brought to you by yours truly
and cast out to a world of unspoken words.

So i took a step back and found myself in Xanga where my first blog happened to form, though no one reads this and i am basically just writing to myself i thought id spruce it up a bit, just for some good things. So i looked at the date i started this and was amazed at how long this has been around, looking back at all the goodness memories have tacked onto them and some of the worse memories i only hinted at in a blog not many would understand. Its amazing to look back to when i started this, back in high school, to now and how different i have become over the years. I went from a shy as hell yet odd shortest kid in high school who played magic and Rpgs all the time while chatting on the interweb, which was only American Online for me back then, and thinking it grand to have my old clunky cell phone which i was only allowed to use for emergencys and really had no other reason to. Lost in memories of high school of eating outside in the snow and rain and sun with theiving blonde girl stealing my food and a small group of revolving friends (because we all had different lunches depending on if it was A or B day). The honors room i was not allowed in but went in anyway thanks to the kid who back in grammer school broke my shoulder without meaning to granting him the name bone breaker billy, to which there is no hard feelings of course being all an accident that then caused me to be a gargoyle with a broken arm for halloween. The prom and me actually going with a girl who i was all wondering what going to the prom with this gal meant and all that jazz to only find out she did years later but wanted to preserve the friendship. The bus ride and sometimes bringing my headphones and listeneing to music only MTV, feeling quite rebelious when i got my first Parental Advisory CD off a friend. So much more, i could go on.
But now i see myself as quite different who enjoys change and seeks out new and interesting things that challenge the norm. Actually having a good musical taste and seeing movies i would have never heard of back then as well as bands that were totally off my radar. Seeing the friends i still know and hang out with, and the one that i now live with as well as the ones i casually talk to online or something. Seeing the girl i liked back in high school get engaged and married as i wallow around in the one same thing from my past high school self though the shyness is now much more subtle as i fall into my sarcastic and weird (sometimes annoying to some) habits. I am not one to talk about myself too long.

So really, this had no point then a badly written walk down memory lane being as i am kinda within the realm of memories, this xanga.

As i walk down the past i almost think of the future and wonder the questions that still stick around even since high school but now asked with much a more dramatic and mature font.

I wonder if its time to try this xanga thing again, its been a while.
Lets see if i cant get readers again, cuz a blog with no readers is pointless.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!